Monthly Archives: July 2014

THE PHANATIC’S PHATHER IS STILL ON THE GALAPAGOS ISLANDS

I haven’t abandoned hope on trying to find out the identity of the Phillie Phanatic’s phather.  After examining the possibilities of Bill Giles, David Montgomery, Gary “Sarge” Matthews, Tim McCarver, and Mr. Snufflelupagus, the trail seemed to have died a … Continue reading

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TRADE CANDIDATE: REID BRIGNAC

The Phillies are in a bind.  The trade deadline is rapidly approaching and they don’t really have anybody to trade.  Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley don’t want to leave.  A.J. Burnett, Cliff Lee, and Jonathan Papelbon all just crapped the … Continue reading

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AN OVERDUE POSTCARD FROM MINI-CHOOCH

I finally received a postcard from my long deported clone of Carlos Ruiz, Mini-Chooch today!  I hadn’t heard from him in ages.  It seems as if he is doing well playing lots of baseball.  I was hoping to Skype with … Continue reading

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LET THE BRAINWASHING BEGIN

Mrs. Phan and I welcomed our newest edition to the Phan Clan two weeks ago.  “Baby Phan 2: The Reckoning” is a healthy and sleepy baby boy.  Much like the birth of his sister, Baby Phan, I got right to … Continue reading

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RUBEN AMARO, JR SIGNS AN INFANT

In a move that most of the baseball world are viewing as a radical, desperate attempt to save his job, Ruben Amaro, Jr. has signed a one week old infant to a decades-long contract. The contract is a complex one … Continue reading

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ANOTHER REASON WHY WE’RE THE BEST

As everyone knows our madman Captain, Claude Girouxxx, got freshman year of college hammered on Canadian 4th of July (July 1st) and repeatedly grabbed a male cop’s ass.  Now for pretty much all fanbases, this would be disastrous.  The torment … Continue reading

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