1993 brought us the 1993 World Series Phillies team and the classic game-changing album, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), by The Wu-Tang Clan. Both groups of men took the world by storm that year. For my 2013 Phillies team preview, I have matched a classic Wu-Tang verse with a current Phillie. Wu-Tang lyrics are so intricate and complex, that they are often open to interpretation like any good poetry. To keep with that spirit, I will not explain why I chose each verse. I also will not censor any of the lyrics as I detest censorship (also some lyrics possibly are in correct, I did my best). Please file any complaints to the respective emcee’s twitter/email accounts. Without further ado, I present the 2013 Philadelphia Phillies Opening Day Lineup:
1) CF #2 BEN REVERE:
“Yo, first of all son, peep the arson
Many brothers I be sparkin’ and bustin’ mad light inside the dark.
Call me dough snatcher, just the brother for the rapture.
I hand-glide, holdin’ on strong, hard to capture.” –Ghostface Killah “Criminology”
2) SS #11 JIMMY ROLLINS:
“Anytime I come by, alumni cut short their air supply
Send ’em back like George McFly.
I be holdin’ this.
Travel ground like a motorist.
Poisonous gas released from my track is odorless and tasteless,
Like Ghost is Face-less.
Which allowed the God to break backs, and beat a hundred cases.
MCs heads weave like trees in a breeze to rhymes like these.
Underwater flow strike like torpedoes.
You’ll get plugged more than Del Rio.
Played short like De Vito.
Split the fuck up like Mike Jack and Tito.” –The RZA “Third World”
3) 2B #26 CHASE UTLEY:
“Flame on, I rain fire, when Johnny Storm. I’m shocking like live wire, you have been warned. I prolong this next chamber, to make it strong
And prove all them doubters wrong.
Killin’ ’em softly with this song, addin’ on. Let them toes get they tag on, dead men run no marathons.” –Method Man “Torture”
4) 1B #6 RYAN HOWARD:
“First they criticize, but now they have become mentally paralyzed with hits that I devise. Now I testify, the rest is I, Rebel INS, your highness, blessed to electrify with the voltage of an eel, truth that I reveal will crush the amateurs who scream they keep it real. Caesar black down hoodied up in fatigues. Part-time minor leagues receive third-degrees. Attack like a wolf pack, once I pull back the God-U, and bust through like a fullback.” –Inspectah Deck “Guillotine (Swordz)”
5) 3B # 10 MICHAEL YOUNG:
“I was an emcee while you was in Nutville. On a world tour, you was gettin’ your guts spilled. Ten years your senior, but I flow like I’m twenty-one. Straight out Medina with a mass of many suns. Super nova give off gamma-ray bursts. And I’ll finish this, only ’cause I let off first, WASSUP.” GZA/GENIUS “Paper Plate”
6) LF #9 DOMONIC BROWN:
“Tired of sittin’ on my phuckin’ ass. Niggas I know, run around with mad phuckin’ cash. Who the phuck wanna be an emcee, if you can’t get paid to be a phuckin’ emcee?” –ODB “Rawhide”
7) RF #15 JOHN MAYBERRY, JR.:
“Yo, I seen you at the five and dime wastin’ your time.
Oh you shine, I’m lookin’ at your ass from behind.
You walked by smellin’ like watermelon.
You might make me a felon, my eyeballs swellin’.
My nuts start yellin’, excuse my prick. Wanna have a talk with you, I’m sick.”
8) C #31 ERIK KRATZ:
“Check these high hats sting things moving through the rubbish.
Party robust, rec room style for you brothers.
Time’s ticking, erupt misconduct.
Entering one funk before the drum dry up.
Dial, style, jab vocab slow.
Alphabet run, construction voice might blow.
Tap dance swelling Hemingway novel model.
For a breather, dirty reefer hide your bottle.
Cut down, come with something that’s round and profound.
Blood brothers people of colors we get down.” –U-God “Severe Punishment”
9) P #35 COLE HAMELS:
“It’s the Byzantine king, supreme, all kneel, kiss the ring. Into an Elohim, I blow steam from the families of the Maccabees. Smack emcees, watch them scream your majesty, make them suffer The capacity of tragedy, hold the crowd down like gravity.” –Killah Priest “Cross My Heart”
RIP SUSPENDED FOR NO GOOD REASON #51 CARLOS RUIZ:
“The leaky leak I feel the high from the stimuli. I’m acting two-faced, like the signs of Gemini. My head keeps on spinning, constantly continuing
Two tabs of mescaline, phucks up my adrenaline
I’m in a big mess and I can’t escape it
It’s like goo-. Goddamn it I hate it!” –RZArector “Defective Trip”
The rest of the team will be coming before the next game… WU-TANG FOREVER AND LET’S GO PHILLIES!