The Eagles just re-signed long snapper, Jon Dorenbos, to a four-year contract. I’m ecstatic. What’s the big deal about a long snapper you ask? Everything. Jon Dorenbos is not your run of the mill long snapper. He’s the best long snapper in the league and a True Eagle. Don’t believe me? Then get the hell off of my site! Intrigued? Then keep on reading for the reasons why Jon Dorenbos should be your favorite player.
1. He’s started EVERY game since 2006. All of them. 103 straight games.
2. Name a time that he ph-ed up. YOU CAN’T BECAUSE HE DOESN’T MESS UP. That is why he’s a Pro-Bowler. No one has ever said that the Eagles should get rid of Jon Dorenbos, ever.
3. He knows magic and can put on a show for you at any time.
4. He just signed a 4-year deal (which could mean anything since it’s an NFL contract), but he should be around for a while. So go ahead and buy a jersey (at least a shirsey). Even if he leaves, he’s been on the team for 8 seasons already, which makes him a shoo-in to get his number retired one day.
5. Mrs. Dorenbos…
6. He knows how to play every sport. He was a letterman in football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. So you basically can’t beat him at anything. I couldn’t find any real proof of this except for his Wikipedia page, so it must be true.
7. He participates in every charity there is and raises tons of money. He’s a humanitarian.
8. He was the Commissioner of Wing Bowl 21 and was stylin’ and profilin’ doing it too.
9. He wears phantastic Halloween costumes…
10. He’s a motivational speaker. Now if only he’d go talk to the Flyers and Sixers and motivate them to not be bums, then I’d drink a lot less.
11. Finally, he doesn’t back down from challenges, bullies or zombies.
In conclusion, Jon Dorenbos is my favorite Eagle because he’s a classy guy that doesn’t get hurt, gives 100%, knows magic, is a good dresser, has a hot wife, is good at sports, raises money for charity, isn’t disgusted by the Wing Bowl, isn’t a bum, doesn’t think twice about headshotting a zombie, and would probably buy me a beer if he had the opportunity. Most importantly, is the only Eagle on the current team that has never infuriated me. And if he has, I don’t remember it so it doesn’t count. Jon Dorenbos, the greatest Eagle of our generation!