DISPLACED PHAN’S WORLD DOMINATION UPDATE (Part III)

Back in March 2012 when displacedphan.com wasn’t the media juggernaut that it is now, I had a dream of conquering the Earth.  I haven’t provided an update on my progress towards that goal since April 2012.  At that time, only 6 countries out of the recognized 196 countries on Earth had viewed this site for a 3.06% share of the planet.  The United States of America, Canada, Australia, Chile, United Kingdom and Ireland were the first countries to swear their allegiance to all things Displaced Phan.

I’m pleased to announce that over the past 10 months, significant progress has been made.  53 more countries have joined the Displaced Phan cause bringing a total of 59 countries bowing at my feet.  30.1% of the planet Earth has now been conquered by yours truly.  Each week, I’ll introduce some of the new members of the Displaced Phan Alliance…

PHILIPPINES:

philippines

The Philippines has a PH in its name, so they get automatic dopeness points.  Lumpia is delicious and I could eat that entire plate pictured above.  Manny Pacquiao owns the Philippines and is their supreme dictator.  Joe Frazier also made Mohammad Ali tap out at the Thrilla in Manila except his manager threw in the towel as Ali was getting his gloves cut off so he lost :-{

INDIA:

INDIA

Whenever Americans need help with something, they call India.  They somehow make delicious food despite not using cows.  Bollywood actresses are gorgeous.  India’s secret talent is that they can somehow fit the entire population of 1.2 billion people on a 1,000 seat train.

MEXICO:

MEXICO

Mexico produces more Americans each year than any other country including the United States of America.  I used to never eat Mexican food until the day I realized it doesn’t actually taste like Taco Bell.  I’ve only had one chance to go to Mexico via the San Diego trolley.  It was to Tijuana and it was past midnight, so I chickened out because I thought I wouldn’t make it back.  Oh, and Salma Hayak.

FRANCE:

FRANCE

I’m always under the impression that France hates us mainly because the US is so damn awesome.  France used to be great for French Fries and French Toast; however the US improved on their design with Freedom Fries and Liberty Toast.  French Kissing is also now called Patriot Kissing.  However, French Bread is still French Bread.  France also has a replica of Kings Dominion’s Eiffel Tower.

GERMANY:

GERMANY

Germany is well-known for its expertise in crafting beer, pretzels, automobiles, and World Wars.  I’m part German, so I genetically have a predisposition to overindulge on beer and pretzels.  I’m also convinced that half of Germany’s scientists are of the “mad” variety and may or may not be using their powers for evil purposes.  Also, Steffi Graf was my favorite tennis player as a kid.

Congratulations to all of the new Phan Alliance members.  Your certificate is in the mail.  Tune in next week for the next batch of loyal followers!

Advertisements

About Displaced Phan

Displaced Phan is a Philly Sports obsessive residing in places not named Philadelphia. Send Lager, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes.
This entry was posted in Philly Sports and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s