MEET THE 2012-13 PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

This is the most excited I’ve been for the Sixers in at least a decade.  I hate to say it, but I haven’t watched a ton of NBA lately until last season.  However, with an imperfect storm of disappointing Phillies/non-existent Flyers/vomit-inducing Eagles/decent Sixers roster, I can’t wait for the season to start.  Here is the roster for your 2012 Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers (and current saviors of the city)…

Lavoy Allen #50 F/C:

“I ain’t nobody’s bitch!”
“Yes, you are Kevin, you’re MY bitch.”

He’s Kevin Garnett’s father.  Doug Collins called him “the Black Arnold Schwarzenegger.” He’s bulked up and has a lot of potential to be solid for the team.  Played at Temple, gotta love him.

Kwame Brown #54 C:

Sixers taste good!

When we signed him, everybody said, “WTPh?!?!?!?!?!?”  Then we got Bynum and everybody said, “M’eh.”  He’s been in the league since 1984.

Andrew Bynum #33 C:

Wait, what?? We got Kwame Brown??

So much hinges on his hinges.  If he knees work properly, the Sixers have a chance to be really good this year.  If they fail to work, then who knows.  Even if he doesn’t play a game, I’m glad the Sixers got him because the trade made me so excited for basketball in forever.

Spencer Hawes #00 F/C:

True Real American Spencer Hawes

A lot of people knock Spencer, but I like him.  If Bynum can play, I think Hawes can have a really good year.  He’s big and can pass.  He just isn’t a legit go to center, but then again how many guys are?

Jrue Holiday #11 G:

J-Rue The Damaja

With Andre Iguodala gone, Holiday and Turner can really take over.  A lot will depend on his play.  Hopefully this is the super breakout year that we need from him.  His albums “Wrath of the Math” and “The Sun Rises in the East” are classics.

Royal Ivey #7 G:

HE’S BAAAAAAAACK!!

Royal Ivey is back in town with a fresh new number.  He likely won’t play much barring injury, but his veteran presence will help the many young guys on the team.

Arnett Moultrie #5 F:

Put me in coach, I’m ready to play…TODAY!

He’s labeled a “high motor” guy.  So if he doesn’t get too many minutes to play with the Sixers, he can play for the Eagles.  He went to Raleigh-Egypt High School, which interesting enough, isn’t in Raleigh or Egypt.

Jason Richardson #23 G:

Yo, a-holes! You know I’m sitting right here, right. I love Philly. I want to finish my career here. I want to win multiple championships. Is anybody asking me anything?? No! SMPhH…

He’s the other guy we got in the Bynum trade.  He can hit 3’s and is a 2-time slam dunk champion.  He’s a great pickup for the Sixers as nobody has been able to hit a 3 on this team in recent memory.

Evan Turner #12 G/F:

*sigh* I wish I was a little bit taller…I wish I was a baller…

People tend to love him or hate him.  I’m still on the fence, but he’s shown more than a few flashes of what he is capable of.  Like Holiday, with Iggy gone, he could and should flourish.

Maalik Wayns #18 G:

Shocker?

Local kid (Roman, Villanova).  He had a really solid preseason and likely earned some quality minutes off the bench for this season.  Plus, he’s the fastest guy on the team.

Damien Wilkins #8 G/F:

(I honestly forgot he was on the team) SMPhH…

He’ll be an end of the bench guy, but he’s a veteran who can give guys a breather.  He is also the team’s best singer.

Dorell Wright #4 F/G:

I hope those are prescription lenses.

He can hit 3’s and maybe more importantly he can hit free throws.  He should get a ton of minutes this year.  The Sixers need him to match the production that he had the last 2 seasons for the Warriors.

Nick Young #1 G:

The shirt makes him Swaggy P.

He’s another guy, like Wright, can hit 3’s and free throws.  He had a great preseason.  If he can keep his ish in check, he can be a huge contributor this season.

Thaddeus Young #21 F:

Sign him, Ruben! Make it happen!

I find it hard to believe that Thad has been with the team for 6 years now.  He’s the longest tenured Sixers (he’s the Dorenbos of the team).  I’m guessing that he’ll play both forward positions this year.  Plus, he has a killer fastball.

Coach Doug Collins:

It’s half of my job to lobby for calls.

He always gets fired in his 3rd season with a team, but I think he makes it through this year.  I think the returning players have bought into his system and we’ll see if the new guys do too.  I think the Sixers are going to have a good year this year and possibly return to the Eastern Conference Finals.  There’s a whole lot of ifs, however, every team is run on assumptions.  So, if they pan out, the Sixers will be really good.  If not, baseball starts in the Spring.

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About Displaced Phan

Displaced Phan is a Philly Sports obsessive residing in places not named Philadelphia. Send Lager, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes.
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