OVERLY BELATED EAGLES VS CARDINALS REACTION AND MINI GIANTS PREVIEW

Editor’s Note:  I missed much of the second half of this abomination because I was doing fatherly things with Baby Phan.  So, I’ll leave it up to Drunken Phan to give his opinions…

QUARTERBACKS:

Vick stinks so bad that I’m actually rooting for one of the players on one of my teams to get injured.  I’ve never done that before.  He can’t do much worse than he is.  He needs to be put on timeout to think long and hard about what he’s done.

RUNNING BACKS: 

Shady carried the ball once and he was awesome.  So naturally they didn’t give him the ball anymore after that.  He just sits at home after the game and plays Madden all night using the Eagles.  He runs the damn ball every play using himself.

WIDE RECEIVERS:

Jaccpot gave up on a ball while crying to the refs.  He should write a song called, “Smack My Ref Up.” I remember Avant catching a ball at some point. And the new guy who likes to fumble punts caught one too.  Everybody else is hurt. Whatevs.

TIGHT ENDS:

Celek has been awesome thus far.  Vick must hate him because he tried to get him murdered multiple times leading his passes to Celek directly into oncoming traffic.

OFFENSIVE LINE:

I know that 2 of our offensive linemen are out for the year, but watching the Eagles offense is akin to watching a snuff film.  Vick is going to be deceased by the bye week if this keeps up. On the other hand, it would make for convenient funeral arrangements.  Here’s a picture of the linemen at practice this week…

DEFENSE:

I’m giving the entire defense a pass until the offense stops turning the ball over every play.

THIS WEEK:

The Eagles play the stupid ass Giants for first place.  Logic would say that the Giants are going to kill us, which means the Eagles should win 63-3.  I had no time to do any sort of proper preview this week, so this is all you get.  Sorry…

A preview of what Eli’s face will look like post-game (minus blonde chick).

According to Shady (who has never lied to me), Osi loves male ballerinas (ballerinos?)

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About Displaced Phan

Displaced Phan is a Philly Sports obsessive residing in places not named Philadelphia. Send Lager, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes.
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