DRUNKEN POINT/COUNTERPOINT PHAN VS PHAN EAGLES VS BROWNS REACTION

Here’s a debate over the positional play of the Eagles in Week 1 vs Cleveland.  The debaters are sober me (Displaced Phan) and drunk me (Drunken Phan).

QUARTERBACK:

Drunken Phan: Jesus H. Christ.  So I didn’t watch a walk-off Phillies win for the luxury of seeing that asshat Michael Vick throw more passes to the Cleveland Browns than his own players?!?  SMPhH a million times over.

Displaced Phan: Calm down.  You knew he was going to be rusty.  He hasn’t played in a game really since December.  The Eagles escaped with a win.  He’ll be much better next week.  Good Lord, relax.

RUNNING BACKS:

Displaced Phan: After fumbling early, LeSean McCoy was great.  You could see him play with intensity, especially in the fourth quarter when he really started to take over.

Drunken Phan:  I’ll give Shady a pass on the fumble since he won’t do it again for the rest of the season.  WTPh though?  Shady should’ve carried the ball on every play since he gained 10 yards a carry.  Am I mad at Andy, Marty, or both?  I can hear their conversation  on the sideline…

Andy/Marty: “Vick sucks.  What should we do?”

Andy/Marty: “Let’s keep throwing, he’ll eventually throw his way out of it.”

Me: “A-holes.”

WIDE RECEIVERS:

Drunken Phan:  Maclin got hurt on every play, except three.  He caught a touchdown, even though Dick Stockton said Jaccpot Jackson caught it.  He made some bad penalties too.  Jackson was good.  They couldn’t do much since Vick couldn’t throw them the ball anyway because they weren’t wearing orange helmets.

Displaced Phan: The receivers got banged up in this game, but they did what was needed to win.  Hopefully, everyone will be able to come back for next week’s game.

TIGHT ENDS:

Displaced Phan: They did a solid job.  Both made some key catches and did pretty well blocking as well.

Drunken Phan: Our cheerleaders are hotter.  Clay Harbor won the game too.

OFFENSIVE LINE:

Drunken Phan:  These guys stunk too.  I’m sure they’ll say that Vick wasn’t so bad because the line stunk.  Vick either got hit or threw an interception on every play.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad after a win.

Not a lineman in sight…

Displaced Phan:  They didn’t have the best or worst games across the board.  All five of the guys had an average game.  They’ll certainly have to do much better against Baltimore next week to keep Vick in the game.

Drunken Phan: Why would you even consider keeping Vick in the game??

DEFENSIVE LINE:

Displaced Phan: Solid play from the line.  They helped make Weedon look terrible all game.  Running game went nowhere as well, credit the line and linebackers for that.

Drunken Phan: Why wasn’t Weedon carried out on a stretcher?  These guys need to step up their game.  Two sacks??  Two sacks against the Cleveland Browns??  The American Flag sacked him more than the D-Line.  SMPhH

LINEBACKERS:

Drunken Phan:  Holy Sh!t these guys actually tackled.  Tackled with their arms and hands, not slide tackled like stupid ass soccer!  It’s a miracle!

Displaced Phan: DeMeco Ryans was spectacular and it was a breath of fresh air to see competent linebacker play for the first time in a long time.

CORNERBACKS:

Displaced Phan:  Great play from these guys today.  Nnamdi came up with a touchdown saving cross field tackle and DRC had two picks.  Wonderful!

Drunken Phan:  Are you sure that you spelled Nahmdhi right?  I bet you don’t even know how to spell DRC’s name.  Yeah, these guys were good.  We had to comeback to win by a point to the Cleveland Browns?!?

SAFETIES:

Drunken Phan:  Kurt Coleman had two picks even though he got decapitated earlier in the game.  His head flew like 20 yards.  So, that’s the best game the safeties have had in 2 seasons.  And cut Jarrett, experiment has failed, HYPOTHESIS INVALIDATED!!

Displaced Phan:  The entire defense played well, even the starting safeties.  The Browns aren’t that good, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can keep up the intensity for a more formidable opponent.

SPECIAL TEAMS:

Displaced Phan:  Akeem Jordan made a ton of special teams tackles and there was some pretty decent returns in the game when there were returnable kicks.

Yay to one of you and boo to the other one of yous.

Drunken Phan:  One of the Henry/Henery’s was good and one wasn’t.  The punter one was good, the kicker one was whatevers.  Phucking Vick…

OVERALL:

Displaced Phan: It wasn’t pretty, but a win is a win.  I’m already looking forward to next week’s game against the Ravens.  Be sure to look out for the Week 2 Preview posted here on Sunday.

Drunken Phan: I still can’t believe I missed the Phillies for this garbage.  By the way, no one cares about your stupid previews.  Look at the 5 people who looked at your Cleveland video from last week, you dope.

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About Displaced Phan

Displaced Phan is a Philly Sports obsessive residing in places not named Philadelphia. Send Lager, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes.
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