THERE IS NO FATHER TO HIS STYLE

The Phanatic always spends the day with his mom every Mother’s Day.  Phoebe Phanatic is a doting mother who is always there for her son.

But where is the Phanatic’s father (phather?)?  Is he dead?  Is he a deadbeat??  Was he kidnapped???  No one knows the truth except Phoebe and she isn’t talking.

What we do know is that there are other Phanatics out there.  In the recent biography, Phillie Phanatic’s Galapagos Islands Adventure (by Tom Burgoyne) it is revealed that there is an entire village of Phanatics on the Galapagos Islands.  Could one of these Phanatic men be the Phillie Phanatic’s father?

The Galapagos Island Phanatics have an entire monument dedicated to the Phanatic. Wouldn’t someone step forward and claim that he was the Phanatic’s father, even if it wasn’t true?  Certainly one of the Phanatic men would want a taste of the fame and fortune that the Phanatic has amassed.  The Phanatic has lived for 34 years not knowing any sort of father figure. Phoebe has done an excellent job raising her son as the Phanatic has impeccable taste in sports teams and gastronomy.  On the other hand, the Phanatic is a world-renowned womanizer, occasional cross-dresser, and frequent flasher.  The Phanatic has been spotted recently with a Phanatic child.  Many speculate that this could be the Phanatic’s illegitimate son. All of this could be attributed to never having a positive male role model in his life for all of these years.

The Phanatic seems to be on the beginning of a downward spiral.  He has multiple lawsuits filed against him, mounting legal fees, and he is the face of a last place team right now.  I pray that he can find his father soon.  Maybe one day, he’ll be able to uncover the truth…

Advertisements

About Displaced Phan

Displaced Phan is a Philly Sports obsessive residing in places not named Philadelphia. Send Lager, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes.
This entry was posted in Phanatic's Phather Search, The Phillies and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s