In case you have a job, or kids, or something, you may not have seen this apparent thievery of a woman who has been dubbed by the media “a cute, sweet, old, lady/granny.”  Now on first look combined with immediately jumping to conclusions, then this guy is the worst.  But if you watch the entire video you’ll get the full story.

WTPh?!?  She put on a Diamondbacks shirt??  You betray your God-given team because you lost out on a baseball???



Why didn’t she tell them they could take that shirt and shove it????

That’s the most treasonous traitorous action I do believe I’ve ever seen.  Obviously this “poor, little, old lady” didn’t even remotely deserve that ball.  Thank all the gods that this man was there to keep her undeserving hands off such a prized piece of Phillies history.

God Bless You, Sir!  You are now a finalist for the 2015 Kim Batiste Goat-to-Hero Award.  You also could join these fellow true phans in the Displaced Phan Hall of Heroes.  Hopefully, someone did the right thing and bought this guy a beer after he saved the day.



Posted in The Phillies | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment


I was watching the Phillies game today with Baby Phan One and saw something that I cannot unsee.  The Phillie Phanatic’s phriends, the Galapagos Gang murdered a man.

Crime scene courtesy of

Crime scene courtesy of

I laughed it off so as to not upset my daughter, but my God.  The Galapagos Gang killed a man by eating him alive in front of a stadium 2/5 full of people.

The Galapagos Gang debuted on the Phanatic’s birthday this year.  They can also be seen in the book Phillie Phanatic’s Galapagos Islands Adventure by Tom Burgoyne (buy it).  In the book, the gang is kind and helpful to the Phanatic.  It seems that in the time that has passed since the Phanatic’s trip to the Galapagos, the Galapagos Gang has sworn it’s allegiance to the Phanatic…in blood.  They are so loyal that they will kill anyone that crosses the Phanatic.

If you listen to the Galapagos Gang Theme Song, you will find that Iggy the Iguana has not only murdered before, but is quite frankly, a serial killer…

<iframe width=”100%” height=”450″ scrolling=”no” frameborder=”no” src=””&gt;

Now you may be thinking that I really have a problem with this.  Well, of course I don’t.  The enemy of the Phanatic is an enemy of mine.  The question is who’s next??

Posted in The Phillies | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment


Everybody knows how godawful an umpire Joe West is.  His latest quest to one-up himself came on Sunday when he threw Jonathan Papelbon out of a game for simply adjusting himself.  As if that wasn’t enough, he had the audacity to throw Pap aside by his jersey.  SMPhH, indeed.  This isn’t the first time Joe has thrown someone out for little to no reason.  Here’s a quick list of notable and preposterous Joe West ejections:

joe-westMay 31, 1980: Ejected Expos’ RHP Bill Gullickson for checking his blood sugar between innings.

September 18th, 1982: Ejected Twins’ CF Jim Eisenreich for being “too twitchy”.

July 3, 1986: Ejected Mets’ 1B Keith Hernandez for spitting in his “general vicinity”.

August 15, 1993: Ejected Yankees’ LHP Jim Abbott for refusing to shake his right hand before the game.

June 18, 1998: Ejected Marlins’ RP Antonio Alfonseca for illegally using extra digits on the baseball while pitching.

April 8, 2002: Ejected Indians’ 1B Jim Thome for excessive smiling.

May 4, 2005: Ejected Reds’ 1B Sean Casey for releasing a cover a Toby Keith’s “How Do You Like Me Now?”

June 14th, 2008: Ejected Pirates’ manager Jim Leyland for blowing smoke rings out of the dugout.

September 4, 2011: Ejected Phillies’ OF Hunter Pence and Manager Charlie Manuel for causing him to look him to look at replay of the original call on the field.

What a dope.  Let’s Go Phillies!


Posted in The Phillies | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment



Image | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment


I was at a farmer’s market somewhere in what could be described as “Redskins Country” (whatever that means) this past weekend.  I, of course, was dressed to the nines in full Eagles regalia.  As I was walking along with Baby Phan One, a woman at a stand shouts at me, “It’s great to see an Eagles phan here!”

Overjoyed, I ran over to her and struck up a very brief conversation.  She told me where she was from and I told her where I was from and then she mentions that she “was going to wear my Eagles lanyard, I mean I reached for it, but…then I grabbed this one…”


To my horror and disgust, she was wearing a Washington Redskins lanyard.  FOR WHO?  FOR WHAT??  To boost your sales you’ll disown your birthright and throw on the blatant bigotry of the Washington Redskins and then have the audacity to strike up a conversation about how much you love the Philadelphia Eagles with a True Phan like me??

Needless to say, I immediately walked away in mid-conversation never to return again.  SMPhH at the nerve of some people.  I would expect that kind of treasonous and traitorous nonsense from a lesser city’s fanbase, but not ours.

God Bless the Eagles and Shame On the redskins.

Posted in Philly Sports | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment


I haven’t abandoned hope on trying to find out the identity of the Phillie Phanatic’s phather.  After examining the possibilities of Bill Giles, David Montgomery, Gary “Sarge” Matthews, Tim McCarver, and Mr. Snufflelupagus, the trail seemed to have died a year ago.  However, it was renewed again yesterday as I read Tom Burgoyne and Len Epstein’s book, The Phillie Phanatic’s Galapagos Islands Adventure, to Baby Phan One.  Look at this picture from when The Phanatic visits his motherland of Phanatic Town in the Galapagos Islands.

20140728_085817Do you see him lurking in the shadows?  Do you see him viewing The Phanatic from afar??

eyesThe entire populace of Phanatic Town is out celebrating the arrival of their hero, The Phillie Phanatic, except for that solitary pair of eyes.  Surely this is The Phanatic’s missing (more likely deadbeat) phather.  He’s clearly too ashamed to show his face to his son and atone for his phailures.  He couldn’t even come out to wave goodbye.  SMPhH…

20140728_085843The worst part in all of this was that The Phanatic was so close to learning the truth.  Unfortunately, the continued cowardice of his phather prevented this from happening.  I am determined to find the truth.  It’s what The Phanatic deserves.

Posted in Phanatic's Phather Search | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments


The Phillies are in a bind.  The trade deadline is rapidly approaching and they don’t really have anybody to trade.  Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley don’t want to leave.  A.J. Burnett, Cliff Lee, and Jonathan Papelbon all just crapped the bed in front of a stadium full of scouts.  Carlos Ruiz just had a concussion.  Even John Mayberry, Jr. is hurt.  Teams aren’t going to give up what RAJ wants for Cole Hamels.  The phans want a trade and the team needs a trade.  Somebody simply must get traded.  Enter, Reid Brignac.

(Photo by Drew Hallowell /Getty Images)

(Photo by Drew Hallowell /Getty Images)

Why would anybody want Reid Brignac?  Because he wins baseball games.  Brignac is 6th on the Phillies in batting average, 5th in on-base and slugging percentage, 4th in OPS and OPS+, and he’s 3rd in BAbip.  The most important statistic is that Reid Brignac leads the entire MLB in “walk-off win” (WOW) rate.  He has a WOW of 3.03.  This means that in over 3% of his plate appearances, he will hit a walk-off hit.  He has 2 walk-offs in 66 plate appearances thus far in 2014.  If you translate that into a full season (600 at bats), Reid Brignac is personally going to win 18-19 games for your team.  Nobody else in the Majors even comes close.

The Phillies should get quite the haul for someone who is this valuable to a team’s success.  This is even more true when you account for his miniscule salary impact ($449,000).  Plus, he doesn’t become a free agent until after the 2016 season has concluded.

Which teams would be interested in a player that makes them win 18 more games a season?  All of them would.  DO IT RUBE!

**this article also appears on


Posted in The Phillies | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments